How to Motivate Your Athlete Effectively Without Being Overbearing

Key Takeaways

• Motivation is not constantly present during an athlete’s journey. There will be times where motivation dips and the athlete will need a push from their support system to continue working towards the ultimate goal.
• Supporting your athlete is different than being a “crazy, overbearing sports parent”. Matching their motivation level, pushing the right buttons at the right time and teaching them good habits are healthy ways to push your athlete outside of their comfort zone.
• Learning how to combine good timing, reading body language, previous actions and determining willingness to engage will give you the signs of when an extra push will be effective.
• End of the day, parent’s can’t want success more than the athlete. Parent’s can support and teach good habits in the early stages of development that will carry over to when the athlete will need to be 100% on their own.

Our job is to teach good habits by supporting the journey

A great spot to gauge motivation is the great tradition of hockey: early morning wake ups.

Early mornings are going to be a staple in the lives of hockey players. Youth players get to the rink before the sun rises for games and practice. Elite prospects continue the tradition by getting training sessions in before the rest of the world opens their eyes. This tradition begs the question: how much involvement should parents have in waking up their kids?

Some take the stance that the responsibility is solely on their children. If you want to play, you need to take control. This approach is an all or nothing tactic. For most kids, this does not work. My recommendation is for parents to support kids in their goals and help them develop the skill of accepting that hard doesn’t feel good in the moment, but will pay off in the end.

Here is an example. My daughter is a talented young tennis player. She recently caught the eye of local coaches as someone who could have a future in the sport. She is also realizing that the more practice she does on her own during the week, the more progress she makes.

On the way home from lessons, we talked about how she can find more time. The suggestion was to wake up in the mornings before school and work. We made a deal that I would wake her up after my morning workout two times. Once before my shower, once after. If she got up and ready to go, we would head up to the courts.

We did this routine 3x a week for a month. Now, my daughter is up at 6:00am every morning. 3x a week we go to the courts. The other days she goes into the backyard to practice on her own.

My daughter would have never developed the habit of early morning wake ups without my help. A small show of support has now paid off in the form of a lifetime habit of rising early and getting after it.

How to Know When To Push Past the Comfort Zone

Athletes are temperamental beings. Add that in with the challenges of hormones and teenage life – you get an interesting human being that can be Jekyl or Hyde on any given day. Understanding how and when to push your athlete will go a long way for building trust and connection along the journey.

Here are 4 signs to look for when supporting your athlete with motivation:

• Base your input on their previous actions: Ups and downs are going to be normal throughout the process of becoming a high level hockey player. Determining your input based on one moment in time is difficult. Use a longer time horizion of effort. For example, you can push an athlete more that has been consistent for several months showing that they are committed. Your time will be well spent. On the flip side, investing time into an inconsistent athlete that is all talk is not worth the effort.
• Master reading your athlete’s body language: Reading other people is a skill that will serve anyone in all situations. Interacting with your athlete is no different. An athlete’s body language is going to tell you more about their mental state than anything else. Slumped shoulders, head down and walking slow are signs that something is off. This is time to engage with support for the person, not the athlete. Head high, swag in the walk and overall positive mood. These are signs that your athlete will be open to feedback.
• Follow your athlete’s willingness to engage: Parents cannot want success more than their athlete. When there is no willingness to engage in conversation or accept feedback, that is the sign to pull back and act accordingly. There is more benefit in one great conversation than 5 so-so conversations. Follow their lead – if they are not open to the extra motivation, change the topic and connect over something else.
• Timing is everything: Choosing the right spots to engage is an art form and is one worth learning. Trying to provide motivation on the car ride home from a tough game is not time or place to get a fruitful engagement. Using the tips from above on reading body language and willingness to engage will help you pick your spots effectively and master the skill of timing.

3 Strategies to Engage in Quality Conversation

My belief is that sports are a great way to build connections with our kids. Some of the best memories I have with my father as a kid were around sports. Whether we were watching a game on TV, I was sharing with him a new skill I developed or spending time in the backyard shooting hoops together.

Our goal is to build connection by showing interest in their journey and supporting them along the way. This can be in holding them accountable, learning from them and showing a genuine interest in the sport. Here are 3 ways you can achieve strong connection with your athlete:

• Focus on the actions that can be controlled: As a former Division 1 hockey player, I tend to jump right into tactics and skill development conversations with my son and I forget my role is not to be his coach. Let their coaches coach. We can make sure that our athlete’s are working hard, living up to their word and being a great kid. These are the controllable actions that will bring success on and off the ice.
• Stop talking. Be patient and listen. Rather than offering unsolicited advice, wait for them to ask, and listen when they talk. most times athlete’s just need to vent off frustration or think out loud. Cultivate a space where they are comfortable to speak their mind and bring their curiosity. This will leads to potentially richer conversations.
• Care for the person. Not the athlete: Remember – our goal is to raise great human beings. Your athlete is going to have growing pressure on them from multiple angles. Keep the conversations about them and their well being. Real connection starts when they realize you are walking with them on their journey.

Being a supportive and positive influence in your young athlete’s journey demands careful observation and calculated support. Assess body language and past actions to determine whether a push is necessary or if stepping back would be more beneficial. Remember that your objective is to elevate their motivation without surpassing their own desires.

Pro Athlete Academy is a premier consulting agency for high net worth families who have elite athletes pursuing success at the highest level of sports. We implement the proper systems and build the right team that lets athlete’s and their families thrive while pursuing their sports dream. With out network of industry professionals, college/professional scouts and experience staff – we build great athletes and even better human beings that will achieve success on the ice and in the boardroom.

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